What happens when (just two months after meeting) a Baptist preacher's son and small-town pastor's daughter surprisingly discover they've committed the ultimate faux pas? Now it's a journey of finding out what it is to love a little baby surprise and what to do about this new husband.



Thursday, May 13, 2010

Thoughts & Reactions

Just as my gal pal, Melanie, told me - people react to surprises in different ways.  This was certainly true of the big baby surprise Yohan and I dropped on our parents today. 

I have many mixed feelings about their reactions.  It was hard to gage which parental unit was going to be the most upset, as how can you expect any preacher and his wife to react well to such startling news.  To our surprise, Yohan's parents called almost immediately to tell him they loved us and were sending us congratulations on our wedding and new baby.  They offered to help us in any way they could.  Yohan and I were absolutely blow away with their response, as they've always been strict and heavy-handed.  An entire 3+ hours after we were still unable to understand their reaction.  I think Yohan's head would've promptly combusted if he didn't know I definitely needed it intact.

My parents did not react the way I had hoped.  I hoped they would call me and tell me that even though it wasn't the way it should be they were so excited about the little grandkid and happy I was marrying such a great man (cause he is).  Well, that is not what happened.  I think we are not on speaking terms right now.  I have only two big things to dwell on here.

The first concern of mine is Jr.  I'm worried that all this trouble might lead him to think he's not wanted.  This isn't the first time he wasn't welcomed with open arms, as truth be told, Yohan wasn't too sure about having a baby either.  I remember furiously telepathically transmitting to Jr., "I want you.  I definitely want you, and don't you worry, because I'm fully capable.  I'll take care of you even if I'm not sure how."  At that moment I was alone, with only Jr., but I was so sure that things would work out because I was determined they would.  

Another truth be told, and I hate to say it, but abortion crossed my mind.  I know I couldn't have done it, but it still feels horrible to have even thought of it.  And now the grandparents are having trouble with the news.  It's hard to handle, I know, but I was hoping they would react differently.  I do think they will come around.  I just don't know how long.  That's pretty hard.

The second thing that fills my head are complicated thoughts on Christians and church.  My parents are very diligent and sincere Christians, but it seems that Christianity doesn't really work in real life.  My parents reaction prompted the following email to my mom:

What a perfect real-life opportunity to show love and forgiveness like Jesus, and you're totally missing it.  A clear example of why I do not prefer you churchy types - because you're so eager and quick to preach it, but you don't have any clue how to practice it.

Some of you may respond thinking:  It's just hard, and they are in shock and they will forgive you.  But I say bologna.  If you can't show forgiveness and Christ-likeness to someone you already love, how can I believe you're genuinely forgiving and loving those harder to love - those despised by society, those who kill, those who abuse, those who hate.

I've grown up in church around many of the same cookie cutter (even those who claim to be different) Christians.  What sticks out to me among all those people is how quick they are to gossip, throw stones, and judge.  Acts of genuine Christ-likeness can probably be counted on my two hands.  

I have received kind and loving support from a few Christians.  So, Corrie, thanks for your support and prayers.  Melody, thanks for being a great sister, and you will be an amazingly loved auntie.

To all my other friends as well, I would be such a mess without your kindness.  I'm so glad to share my excitement with you, and Jr. is certainly grateful too.  We are lucky, because good friends are few and far between!

3 comments:

  1. They'll definitely come around baby, just give them time. We both went above and beyond doing the best we could breaking the news to them. You did awesome carrying this weight on your shoulders the first 3months babe(I know it wasn't easy for you), it's their turn to carry it now. Don't you worry your pretty little head, it will all workout in the end:)

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  2. Sorry to hear that it didn't go over as well as it could have, but don't let it stress you out! You have so much to be excited about--a beautiful wedding and a beautiful baby. Enjoy it all! This time is about you, Yohan, and little juniorette, not about your parents.

    I think Yohan is right, they will come around. And now you don't have to bear the burden keeping a secret (that's gotta be a relief). If they can't be excited about it right now it's their loss. Don't let it spoil your excitement and happiness.

    And I totally agree with you on the Christianity thing! Couldn't have said it better myself.

    Let me know if you need anything!

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  3. WOW...you should give your parents a breakdown of my life changing story from age 21 and I think they may whip themselves back into shape fast. I'm so HAPPY that Yohan's parents decided to take the easy road...acceptance for what you cannot change! I'm also SORRY that your parents are taking it a little bit harder and CHOOSE not to be happy and joyful about an amazing situation.

    Let them know you have a friend that at age 21 was still so in love with her mom...to the point that I would leave Mike to go home and just hang out and keep her company...what 21 year old does that?? We had a falling out, insert lot's of details, and now 9 years later we have no relationship at all. It's so bad that when my biological mother died she sent me church pamphlets (no call) to get me through...I grew up Catholic...she is a very devoted Catholic I might add:)

    Your right!! Who can say they are a religious/spiritual person who is tolerate and forgiving of others....except, insert details, ...you don't get to pick and choose right?!?

    I think it will work out, but it may be a little bit of a rough road for awhile. My situation is a little different b/c it was my adoptive/foster mother since age one. As hard as it is to not have that acceptance you wanted right now ..you know in your heart it's ALL for the best of reasons! I always tell myself when I get down...It's not like I'm a drop out druggie in and out of jail hurting and stealing from people. I'm a realitively good person, been with the same guy 11 years, college graduate, beautiful home, with two kids. You are an amazing person, with an AWESOME guy, a miracle on the way, a job, etc.. I hardly know you, but I think it could be worse!

    Sorry for the long resonse...keep up the great attitude and laugh as much as you can...it keeps you from crying!

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