What happens when (just two months after meeting) a Baptist preacher's son and small-town pastor's daughter surprisingly discover they've committed the ultimate faux pas? Now it's a journey of finding out what it is to love a little baby surprise and what to do about this new husband.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Ground Hugger

When I found out, to my surprise, I was pregnant I promptly broke down.  It started with me feeling a big huge cry coming on.  Not just a couple of tears, but the sobbing that makes your stomach jump and you feel you can hardly breathe.  Next, I quickly fell to the floor where I laid flat on my back, feet and arms spread out like I was about to start making a snow angel on my cold hard wood floor.  I laid there engulfed in my bubble of confusion, sorrow and sobbing for as long as it took for me to feel I had cleared my head.

I'm not exactly sure why, but there is something cleansing about being on the ground out in the open and able to cry with all openness.  Last night it happened again.  I had tried on my wedding gown for my friend Melanie, and was feeling awfully depressed.  I love my friends and cherish them deeply, but there are some emotions only a mother can share with her daughter-especially when it comes to her wedding day.  I can't express how deeply sad and lonely it is sometimes not being able to shop for my dress with my mom, pick out honeymoon spots, talk in whispers about the boy I'll marry who's in the other room and everything else that we should share.

It built up tremendously last Sunday at my sister's birthday party, when we also announced (quite oddly may I add) our engagement.  It was odd because I knew we wouldn't be able to share all the wedding fun with them, so it was hard to show my excitement in their presence.  As I followed mom into her room that afternoon she began telling me how she was so excited to plan our engagement party.  "I'm thinking sometime in June or July, but August would even work," she said.  In my head I knew that would not be happening.  Yohan and I were getting married in just over two weeks and by June I'd be round as a rolly-polly thanks to my little bambino who is growing quickly.

So, yesterday I cried.  No!  I actually sobbed in Yohan's kitchen where I quickly fell to the floor as soon as I felt the first tear.  I laid there with my arms and legs spread out like I was going to make snow angels and cried and cried.  The floor wasn't cold enough this time, but it's probably just these prego sweats I get so often.  I mourned quite well how much I missed being able to share with the family all my excitement for the two biggest events in one's life - marriage and children.  I think I'm still in mourning today too.


  1. I'm glad that you can lay on the floor and cry infront of Yohan...:)

    ps. send me a pic of the dress I wanna see it :)

  2. It's the challenges that make us stronger. You have a lot of things to be excited about and look forward to!

  3. I'm stoked about Asheville and all the good times to come baby:) You're doing great babe! Don't worry I'll make sure we're well stocked on ice cream for Jr:)


  4. Let's look at this from a different perspective - I'm all about perspective ;-)

    Just because you aren't going about the wedding and baby in a "traditional" way, doesn't mean you can't share the excitement of these big events with your family. You just can't share the excitement YET.

    Think of it as a big surprise that you can let them in on in two short weeks.

    You tell them you ran off to the mountains and got married. This surprise may get mixed reviews, but that's the way surprises go. Some may feel sad that they didn't get to share this special day with you, but dad will probably be thinking, "Sweet! Now I don't have to pay for an expensive wedding!" But most importantly, everyone will be happy because you are happy.

    So, you won't be able to share in the normal planing/shopping/wedding stuff with your mom, but you're still going to have a reception/party. And who says you can't also have an engagement party AFTER your wedding?? Join your mom in the excitement of planning an engagement party. Who cares if you're already married when the party actually takes place? You are still entitled to celebrate your engagement!

    Then you tell them you're having a baby! Yay! Babies! Everyone loves babies! Lots of excitement to share with your loving family in preparation for a new bundle of joy. And you still have lots of time before junior arrives to squeeze in plenty of planning time with granny-to-be.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, because these events haven't followed a "traditional" path, you won't feel the "traditional" excitement. But, you get to put your own spin on it. And there's just as much excitement to be had and shared, but in new and different ways. Who needs tradition anyway? Tradition is old and out-dated. Sometimes we feel that we have to do things a certain way just because that's the way things have always been done.

    Something I've always loved about you is your willingness to shake things up. You're not afraid to stand out in a crowd, question popular belief, or march to the beat of a different drum. You are brave, independent and adventurous. And I have no doubt that you will be able to turn this new phase of your life into a fabulous adventure! I only hope you let me tag along :-)

  5. Melanie,

    Thanks for that comment girl! I should've started this blog a while ago because it's nice to hear what you are thinking about this craziness. I'm so glad you said that about traditions, definitely with you there. Of course you'll get to tag along---even more than tag along---I'll have you changing diapers, planning bday parties and carrying Jr. in his little carrier and I'll pretend to be the sexy single lady that you are. ;)

  6. Morning Li--

    This is such a great idea! It sounds like this is taking it's toll on you a little each day. You should have been at my wedding...Irish Catholic Foster Parents, Mobster Italian Biological Family, Mike's Dad and his 3 ex wives and the new 4th, two grandparents that haven't been in the same room for about 10 years, a big brother I wish was there (he was in jail), and parts of my estranged family. I picked out my dress alone, and had help planning with a friend. It was a weird experience. Mike and I chose to do it the way we wanted and because of that a few people were not very happy, BUT I don't regret it a single minute. It now has it's own story and look at us now...completely in love after 11 years together, 8 years married this month, and two kids.

    You do what's in your heart. Sometimes that means making tough decisions..like either going on to Asheville or taking a big gulp and letting it all out. No regrets!!

    Have a great day! I look forward to hearing more. If you need anything let me know.


    Your friend you only met once:)

  7. Mama Lisa,

    I totally agree with Mel, she couldn't have said it better, so I'll just say, 'ditto'!!

    Being a non-tradionalist myself, I say, do whatever makes you happy! I know it's hard not sharing each and every moment of marriage planning and pregnancy with your family, but there will be so many great things to share with them in the very near future!

    I just know you and Yohan will be such wonderful parents to little Jr and I'm bubbling over with excitement for the new life you guys are starting together! The love you already share for one another will surely be felt all around you and most importantly by your new little babe .... and really that's all that matters :)


  8. Thank you girls for all your support. It makes a huge difference in my day to day experience of being prego. I'm so lucky to have great friends like you, even if some of you I'm still getting to know. :)