What happens when (just two months after meeting) a Baptist preacher's son and small-town pastor's daughter surprisingly discover they've committed the ultimate faux pas? Now it's a journey of finding out what it is to love a little baby surprise and what to do about this new husband.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Family Hopping on the Gravy Train

I wasn't sure what the exact feelings of our families were towards our situation at this point.  Dad isn't a man of many words or facial expressions, and there is much left to be wanted when you're looking for affirmation.  Mom, on the other hand, tells you exactly what she is thinking plus some just in case you didn't get it the first time.  What Yohan and I had gathered from her was she was concerned we didn't understand the severe gravity of the decisions we'd made and entered into. 

But Yo and I are different.  I would've had no problem at all raising a little boy on my own.  Maybe I should re-phrase that.  I'm sure I would've had a lot of problems, but I'm just hard-headed and determined enough that I would've made it work had I decided to not marry Yohan.  Honestly, I never before really wanted to get married.  It didn't make sense to me and conceptually just brought on feelings of entrapment and legalized voluntary jail time for every party involved.  Take into account the divorce rate + my sense to be a realist instead of an idealist, and you have yourself an equation for something that didn't add up.  I was never before willing to lay my cards of fun and freedom down with odds like that.  Plus the fact, that I know marriage isn't for the weak minded - it's a lot of work and dedication, and quite frankly, ballsiness

Initially I'd say my decision to marry Yohan was a decision of reason.   
~I had a ton of fun in his company.
~Biologically we'd probably have a beautiful and smart family.
~Yohan didn't get on my nerves, even after spending buku amounts of time with him.
~We laugh a lot together.
~He had spunk and a sense of adventure, so I was sure to not get bored.
I could go on and on about the reasons, but really I can't fully explain why all of the sudden I had ABSOLUTELY NO QUALMS about marrying a man I barely knew, and most certainly could not say I loved at the time. 

I understand how that may be hard for many people to understand and fathom, but for some reason it just worked. Our marriage is going to be a long journey slowly discovering what it is about the other that enabled us to make that big commitment.  I like that I haven't know Yohan for long.  I like that I'll get to slowly unwrap his layers with the fresh new eyes of a bride who will slowly and surely be in love for years to come.  I like that even I have trouble grasping it sometimes, because that's what makes it a little magical.

It's hard for people to understand, especially when the norm is love then marriage.  And that's why I'm sure it was hard for my parents to jump onto our partying bandwagon of a surprisingly happy new family without concerns. As of recently, I think they want to join our odd show though.  Dad played horseshoes against Yohan and I, and I think he even cracked a couple of smiles.  Mom told me she bought a grandmother's journal where I'm sure she'll keep track of all the awesome things she'll do with their first grand baby.  So, surprisingly, the Gravy Train is rolling, and the party is just starting to get fun. 

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