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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Post Partum Mini Depression

Recently I've been struggling with some serious blues.  I of course had the baby blues after delivering Jr. but this was something different.  I didn't want to leave the house and just wanted to stay in bed all day, not even wanting to be bothered with Jr.  I didn't want to get up and feed him, didn't want to change him and certainly didn't have the energy to play with him.  I would randomly cry sometimes.  It was horrible and I felt guilty at times.  

Being a mom is a big adjustment and clearly I wasn't ready.  I started feeling bad mentally, but it came on in a way that I didn't even notice it happening.  I stopped enjoying things, and didn't want to do any of the things I used to love.  I found myself resenting other moms who seemed, in my eyes, to be better at it.  I would read about other moms who seemed to be diving right into baby products, baby clothes, baby everything and loving it.  I hated them, and I was jealous.  I saw moms out shopping and all dressed up and cute and seemingly did it so effortlessly.  Why were they able to do it and I couldn't?  The house was going to shit and the thought of absolutely anything was overwhelming.  Thinking about brushing my teeth was a monumental task.  I felt isolated because I don't have any other mom friends to spend time with and vent with.  I felt alone, but didn't want to talk to anyone, even my friends.  And even when I did talk to people I didn't feel like they really understood.

I think the biggest problem was that I didn't want to even see my baby.  He irritated me.

I don't think I'm the only one who has felt like this.  At least I hope not, cause that would be weird!  I thought about taking anti-depressants, but that's not what I truly needed.  What I needed was to kick myself in the pants and figure out how to live life with a baby.  He's not going anywhere, so I needed to change my attitude and my life.  I honestly feel for any other mom who has felt like this because it is so so hard.  I've not ruled out the option of taking a drug if I find that I can't do this on my own, but for now....

1) I'm trying to get out of the house with the baby ON MY OWN.  Up till now I felt like I couldn't get out with just me and Jr. and I'd get overwhelming anxiety at the thought of it.  But practice makes perfect...hopefully.
2)  I've joined a mommy meetup group that will hopefully put me in contact with some mummy friends.  I've got my fingers crossed.
3)  I'm working out more and trying to get some endorphins going.
4)  I've cut myself some slack...mentally.  I used to put some pressure on myself to get everything done, not now!  Consequently, the house has gone to shit, but hey I ain't superwoman.

So yeah, that's the 411 on that.  Shoot me a message if you have any suggestions or if you've gone through this. 

2 comments:

  1. Hey Eda Mummy,

    I just wanted to say thankyou for being so open about your feelings, I think we all feel like this at some stage in varying degrees and I think the muummys who say they dont are lying. It seems to me that modern culture has a smile and pretend attiude, when instead of pretending that all is well and life is perfect, mummys should be opening up to each other and support one another.

    I have a 2 year old and a 5 month old and with both have had moments of desparation and despair, but I can assure you that these moments occur less and less and life does get easier, you just have to hold on for dear life and go with the flow!

    From what I have read on your blog I think you are a wonderful mum and are doing an amazing job, you just have to look at that little smiling face and chubby cheeks to see that!

    Court x

    (Proud Aussie Mum of 2 and avid reader of your blog)

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  2. You can come over anytime. Right now I don't have enough strength to get Linkon out b/c he is constantly on the move and looking for trouble. At least at the house he can roam. I have a portable baby bed, saucers, etc.. so you don't need to lug a bunch. I never felt how you felt with Cavory, but Linkon has put me through the war....it gets better...at least it is for me , but everyday is a new day and I never know if it's going to be good or crazy! Let me know when you want to come.

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